We all have triggers, blind spots, or vulnerabilities that create conflict. The best we can do is get to know them, take responsibility for them, and learn to work with them effectively.
We cannot avoid conflict, but we can learn how to better handle it. Instead of viewing conflict from a zero-sum position, where one wins and the other loses, we can benefit from a paradigm shift that allows us to view our relationships as two people standing shoulder to shoulder, looking at the problem together. Here are some tips to help improve our relationships:
Most of us do not have adequate communication skills to enter into a committed relationship. It is valuable to practice the X, Y, Z statements, instead of pointing fingers: "When you did X, in situation Y, I felt Z". For example, we could calmly tell our spouse that we were resentful when they left their clothes on the bathroom floor in the morning because they were late for work they didn't notice that we were also busy. This could lead to a better outcome than if we were to reactively lash out and accuse them of being sloppy, sloppy and messy. His statements invite the defensive and build walls. So do words like always or never.
Understanding our past and the family we grew up in, who we are now, and what we value can help us understand what fuels conflict. That's why you can help us periodically by asking questions and writing about topics like: What attracted us the most to each other at the beginning of our relationship? What moments stand out as the best in the relationship? How have we withstood the severe stresses? Do we ever think about breaking up? How has our sex life been during the relationship? What makes us laugh and cry? What are we passionate about? How has our family or any other relationship influenced our development? What makes us angry? What are our defining moments? What are our spiritual beliefz and how do they affect our daily and life choices? What are our priorities? Would we define success? When we are sad, what makes us feel better? What are we most proud of? What do we think are the strengths and weaknesses? How to recharge our emotional batteries?
Once we learn to identify what we prioritize, what makes us happy, and the values we hold, then we will be in a much stronger position to navigate conflict. All the communication skills in the world will not help, if we have not learned how to take responsibility for our own problems and identify what makes a compatible partner.
Visit jaysteky for more relationship tips
0 Comments